I've just been having a look on that social networking site thingy. You know the one - it involves a book and a face, not to mention a never ending parade of utter shite.
Not that it's all bad - there are a few people on there who I read about from time to time, and a few interesting things, like photographic studies and links and blogs, but I'm still confused as to how I got some God bothering woman from the deep south of the USA who keeps leaving shit on my wall telling me that Jesus loves me.
I don't know why she keeps putting shit like that up on my wall, I mean, it's just fucking depressing! One minute she's telling me that Jesus loves me, and in the next sentence she's asking me to pray for her fat fuck of a friend who suffered an "unexpected and sudden" coronary at the age of 41, potentially leaving behind seventeen kids with mullets, a trailer, and a distraught tobacco-chewing husband.
It's fuck all to do with me!
Honestly...I'd just tell the silly cow to "fuck off" but I'm a bit of a soft touch really, so I just ignore her.
Then there's another silly American woman who must play games on there or something - she keeps sending me heart shaped boxes of chocolates, asking me to look after various animals and requesting I send her some oxen or something...Fuck knows how that came about.
So anyway, the wife was having her traditional Sunday afternoon siesta, and as I'm suspended from writing on one website, I thought I'd have a quick look at the social networking one.
There's a guy I used to work with who's looking for lurrrrve on the site, and he really is a nice guy, so I accepted him as a 'friend' and now, everything he puts out in public comes up on my wall. Which usually consists of pictures of scantily clad Eastern European women, accompanied by the comment:
"Nice legs! LOL"
I'm sure that'll reel 'em in...
I do twat on a bit sometimes....anyway...
I looked at this thing on the social networking site that said "people you might know" and inviting me to "add as a friend."
I mean, I'm not a miserable fucker, or a recluse, or any of that bollocks - I can be quite sociable occasionally - especially if it involves good company and copious quantities of alcohol, but this list read like a who's who of various relatives I rarely see, and their friends.
I can't be arsed with that. If I want to talk to them I'll call them or pay them a visit. I mean, just because we propped the bar up at a funeral seven years ago and had a laugh doesn't really make you a 'friend.'
Then I scanned the lists - apparently I share mutual friends with various stand-up comedians, journalists, writers, actors, musicians, celebrities, sportsmen...
Fuck all to do with me. Any of 'em. Maybe indirectly there's some tenuous link... but to be honest, I can't imagine inviting Garry Bushell, or Felix Dexter, or James Whale round ours of a Sunday evening to watch the Spanish football on the box, and share a few Stellas and a kebab.
Maybe I should put them in touch with the God botherer...
Nice legs! LOL!